LibGuides: Researching &amp; Writing Workshop for MADURA: Proofreading Tips

You will find the article, "A student guide to proofreading and writing in science" by Hyatt, et. al., to be a wealth of tips. I have tried to capture some of the tips below to help guide you as you proofread your abstract or perhaps your classmates abstract. Practicing with your colleagues abstract will help you to work on your own abstracts, class papers, or manuscripts.

Note: The examples below are condensed from the article. I didn't grab every example, so see the article for advice on using words like though, while, or when.

Watch For	Possible Fix
So ..., or colloquialisms or clichés i.e., . . . is required for non-shivering thermogenesis, so the body can stay warm . . .	These are parts of informal communication, try to reorganize the sentence to be more formal by choose different words to convey your point.
General phrases that are really empty of content i.e., many studies have shown . . ., It is well known that . . ., or Science has revealed . .	Okay to use in your first draft as a placeholder for actual studies. During proofreading find these placeholders and add specific studies. These will help provide helpful information to your reader.
Vague words when describing quantity or making comparisons vague quantity: many, numerous, or various, vague comparison: increase, decrease, up, or down	While not wrong, they lack precision and specificity that details can provide. If dealing with lots of numbers, then reporting them in tables or figures will be less confusing. Also, with comparisons, it helps to establish a baseline value for your comparison. This can be accomplished by specifying it or better yet, by using a percent change or an x-fold change relative to the baseline.
Using just the word more or less with out a specific qualifier. i.e., These findings prompted health agencies to recommend more physical exercise . . .	Using the word more or the word less is a clue that there is a comparison involved; however, they are vague and invite the question more than what? or less than what? Avoid any ambiguity by specifying ... more than .... or less than ....
Using ... whether or not ...	Often used in your spoken conversations, it is a bit more direct to use just ... whether ...
Using in order to [add verb of choice] ...	Another one of those phrases used in our spoken conversations but adds extra words that are really implied in the simple ... to [verb of choice] ...
Beginning sentences with a preposition (with, during, under, in, upon, since, despite, after, around, and without ) i.e., With an increase in daylight exposure, melatonin production . . ., Since glucose is metabolized for thermogenesis, insulin . . ., and Besides increasing the rate at which oxygen	Rearranging the sentence or even combining with adjacent sentences because the "sentence structure and author voice are stronger if prepositions are not used in the beginning sentences."
Using ... proof ... or ... prove ...	Life sciences are empirical sciences and rarely can research say an experiment is definitive proof of its conclusion. It is better to use alternative such as ... shows evidence for, support, accept, determine, elucidate, or reveal.
Using significant or significance without a statistical justification i.e., . . . hemoglobin is a significant contributor to oxygen transport within the blood . . .,	While often used in conversation or other types of writing, significance in the life sciences has a specific meaning usually associated with a P value (P<0.05). Look for alternatives when you are interpreting the impact of the findings - perhaps important, meaningful, or impactful. i.e., . . . hemoglobin contributes to . . . or . . . hemoglobin is an important protein for . . ..
Using useless modifiers i.e., ... significantly different ...	Sometimes we try to over emphasize our conclusions or discussions. I have seen it in many articles, but the author makes a very good point specifically about the phrase, significantly different. Eliminate those useless modifies. (see row above for discussion on the use of the word significant.) i.e., A difference was detected between Group A and B (P < 0.01).
Use of quotes	Used in other disciplines, they are rarely used in sciences - paraphrase, paraphrase, paraphrase is the fix. You can condense several studies together and references several studies in one sentence.

More In Depth Tips

Hyatt, et al.'s article provides some more detailed writing tips. For a full explanation of these following items, please check out their article.

Watch For	Possible Fix
Use of Prompt Thoughts i.e., in a 1978 study from the University of California on honeybee migration, Smith et al. showed . . .	In other disciplines, this is not a problem but in sciences it adds wordiness. Remove the "prompt." i.e., Smith et al. showed that honeybee migration . . .
Use of Split Infinitives putting to before an adverb that is before a verb ... to [adverb] [verb] ... i.e., to successfully write a thesis	Used sparingly, it can add emphasis to the verb you are using, but their overuse is distracting. Put that adverb after the ... to [verb] ... i.e., "to write a thesis successfully"
Use of Idea-In-Action i.e,. . . . physiology plays a role in adapting to high altitude . . .	This happens when something that is more of an idea or concept gets tagged with an action verb instead of nouns like people, cells, birds, volcanos, etc. You will need to revise & probably reconstruct the sentence if you have done this.